wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize