Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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