Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
