It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
