how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
