I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
