The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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