I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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