so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
