Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
