They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
