I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize