So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
