i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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