I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
