I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Are we still banned from the library?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
