I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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