My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
