the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
