Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize