i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
