a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
