hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
