we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
