I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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