he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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