It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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