Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
