you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
