Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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