I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
