Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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