On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
