The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize