I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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