the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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