And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
