You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
