dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
