when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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