Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
