haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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