If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
