DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
