You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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