last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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