Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
