I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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