i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
its liver damage thursday
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
