I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
