You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You just made me feel so damn special
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
