don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
