THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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