Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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