suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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