i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
