I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
