I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
