hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
