He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
