you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love having hate sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
