So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
