Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
