were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
