the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
