You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
