Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
