Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Randomize
