I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
