Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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