Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
