so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
