wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize